Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts

Thursday, May 30, 2013

All the arrogance of my hands - by Caio Fern.



One more hot shower in a cold day and I will be done before to face the tea and the drizzle out there.


The dogs stink and my house has a light aroma of  Dijon Mustard, Einsbein and feet. The grey light coming through the not so opened window makes it perfect.
It is all the same over the dark brow furniture and that is what I fought so much for. Have my prayers been answered already?


If should I ride the bike with my rain coat or take the subway with my umbrella, if should I stay home pretending I am doing something useful or dig myself under the blanket.....only the extension of my chest will be able to say.


So.... if I looked for that specific kind of warm golden skin and breasts was because I only wanted protection while pretended I was the Alfa Male of the situation. She was supposed to worthship me in a cozy presence while I hold her in my arms saying everything would be fine as it was all I wanted so much to hear my entire life.


Oh yes yes yes my dear, I know more than every one could......  let's not forget how blessed I am for have been so cursed and never, never whisper or murmur again. One day the sea will be opened and all the difference will be made. I know the promises and  I know my wishes, and... I know very well what I am capable to do, you don't have to repeat it all over again. Haven't I kept myself faithful to all this?


All the arrogance of my hands and smiles come from my humble nature, see, it is very naive if you look into my eyes at least once.
In the shower I realized that only exist three kinds of women in this world : 
 - The ones who throw themselves on me.  
 - The ones who masturbate thinking of me.  
 - And the ones who masturbate thinking about me and then throw themselves on me.  
Yeah, I know I am handsome.



When I woke up this morning I felt like a grey bubble filled with all the traumas and negativity of my life was been taking out of my body and soul for good. Then I fell asleep again. Then I woke up almost noon. Then I noticed it was drizzling. Then the aquarium fishes needed to be fed. Then I felt cold and dirt. Then I forgot all I was supposed to do in my life. Then I was free. Then I remembered all my life was supposed to be and isn't. Then I was miserable again. 


It is so peaceful to be a failure in flesh holding a hot mug in the cold afternoon while all the success out there in the world struggles so hard to keep their miserable prosperity.
Let me just sit here in front of my bike leaned against the wall while the harry red dog lies on my feet  working on his new bone. I quit the world again, I am free for today.

Friday, July 23, 2010

You have never seen me .

You have never seen me.
by Caio Fernandes 2010.


You have never seen me, early in the morning there is no sun light on the streets when i pass in front your house.
I see the lights up and some furniture by the windows while the perfume of the garden embraces me as a coat protecting fron the cold and drizzle.
I never had courage to stop at the sidewalk and apreciate it as a piece of art in a museum because i am afraid someone calls the police as my cheap old cloths can scare you neighbors and family.
Everything about you and your life is so beautiful.
You got married with this man that is good and can give you everything.
Every day i walk 2 blocks more than i should only for pass in front this house, and looking discretely to it makes me feel like to keep dreaming and living.

Then i arrive at the subway station at the same time every single day, pretending i am not going to work as a cleaner or i am not diferent of the other people.
Down the stairs i walk till almost the end of the plataform and take my place always at the same spot. When the train arrives i will be in front the tird door waiting it get opened.
What happens is that sat at the same place has that sweet pretty woman, she never looked at me, never noticed that i exist. I cough and change places passing in front of her, but nothing.
If one day she looks at me, i will get courage and say Hi.

When i am working at my job, people avoids me and my mop.
After 4 hours i leave that place whitout listening a good morning or a bood bye.
Then i go to the street walking down the sidewalk where i am less then one among hundreds of thousands. I say this because if i was at least one, i would have a name and a face... but not.
Every day i visit at least one agency of job, there are many but i went to all then hundreds of times. When i pass through the door the same staff of always look to me as it was the first time asking me to fill the formulary and leave on the table. I must to wait they call to my cell phone what never happens.

Back to the street i walk as much miles as God can count. Because it is for free and because i expect that a miracle can cross my way.
I get into all the stores of the entire downtown pretending i am looking for something to buy. I know the price of all the products of every single store. It is very rare a sales person comes and asks me if can helps me, what is fine by me as when they do it i have the impression they are asking me to leave.

By the evening i come back but pass in front your house again, hear the kids argueing or asking for new toys. It makes me happy and then i go to the house where i rent a shared bedroom. There is always someone coocking at the kitchen but nobody says nothing because it isn't anybody business.
I take a shower as fast as possible before someone knocks the door wanting to use the toilet. In my roon i sit on the bed counting the cents in my pocket even knowing very well how much it has.
This world has left and forgoten me in this hole, i pray for at least Jesus remembers that i exist.

I pray for one day have a house like yours, a smart wife with good character that smiles to me all the time i look at her.
The garden in front is going to be beautiful and everyone is going to be able to see fron the sidewalk.
I am going to put my name on the mailbox, so people will know that i exist, neighbors are going to pronunciate this everyday for saying good morning.

There is just one thing i am never, never never never going to do after to get all this.
I will never build a wall in front of my home and garden as i see you are going to start one now.
I am writing this note with the intention to leave inside your mail box asking to you for do not build this wall.
I know you are going to think it is very weird and see one more reason to build as there was a psicho observing you life.
But i am not a psicho, only an inofencive poor man the has used the view of your house to feed its own dreans.
Don't worry, i am invisible, you will never notice me passing in front of it, as you never did.
You have never seen me.

Forget.
I am not going to leave this note inside your mail box. If you realise that i exist is very possible you call the police to "give me a lesson" next time i pass in front your house.
I am glad you have never seen me.
And... am i alucinating? I mean, why did i think someone would do what i ask?
Forget.
You have never seen me.






.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Apso - by Caio Fernandes

Ther is so much invisible dust between the target and my eyes that i am starting to doubt if it is really there.
Hand and finger pierce the air as a slow smooth arrow. But piercing .

Is there veins in my intention of destiny?
Because if there is
I must to dig all atmosphere around with blood
and feed all the curves of silence with sperm. Plus veiled punchs.

The name of this :" building peace of spirit as Lhasa Apso hunting a rat at the cemitary".

What's for tea, Darling?

Saturday, July 17, 2010

empty for the Light - by caio fernandes


empty for the Light - by caio fernandes



damaged feelings fron the world , back to the world. now. for the rest of your existence , and leave mine alone. stincky darkness , long heavy sadness , paranoic fear, concret hate , disgusting values of survive . i am smashing all you under my foot against the black hot asfalt that i dispite so much . absolut nothing on this planet is bigger than the fresh taste of havens that float among my eyelashes and explod in my throat. my heart shrinked . not even a atom is able to land on it . the world has no place in me anymore . forget . i never got so opened . i never got so empty . i am just a breath geting lost into levels of space that i can't touch . if God wants to moisten the rest of the grains of my existence with His light . i acept . i swallow . i reflect.......
i spent years destroying myself as a hardware for selfknowledge . i was a live ruin , got free fron myself, well ... at least almost free. but stoped in a isolated place of the earth , and bloody clouds of the world still came to chase me . so i faced him once again. he dind't kill me just because he knew i woudn't care . so he torture me , twisted me .
what is the real value of life , if you can not loose yourself fron the world , and than loose yourself fron yourself ? here comes the world , here comes the identity , here comes the history . let then fall , they belong to thenselfs .
i am here , i am nothing else and here is absolutely nowhere . i never got so opened , i never got so empty , i am just a breath geting lost into levels of space that i can't touch . if God wants to moisten the rest of the grains of my existence with His light . i acept , i swallow , i reflect .
life !? i am feeling a impulse of life... but it is a completely diferent shine of everything i have lived before . it shines pure and strong , and i happilly reflect the way i can .

Friday, July 16, 2010

i think i have heard this joke somewhere -- by Caio fernandes - 2009 - inspired by painting sheltered heart , i am the re incarnation

i think i have heard this joke somewhere -- by Caio fernandes - 2009 - inspired by painting sheltered heart , i am the re incarnation

poem inspired by the painting " sheltered heart , iam the re-incarnation" , by Caio Fernandes .


i got skins of white petals drowning memories of ancient breaths......i got the wide cold sky into a glass of water .
the simple " just because " fron the Heaven and i got sheltered .
i got i got i got .i got nothing on Earth , honney .

there was a tiny effort of the brize to move the leafs fron the forgotten ground .
the floor is so abstract . smels like a abyss for my neck .
i shouldn't be on this planet . when i die just write " E.T phone home or "leave me alone " on my gravestone .
( i think i have heard this joke alread somewhere )

as while the air reflects the sun light and the space between our smiles echo all the distant galaxies ... ..... it is so easy to love her , and her , and her , and her.... it is so easy to leave all then ...... and stay quiet , staring the void being filled with concret dust and the touchs of the cats .
( i think i have heard this joke alread somewhere )
and how many times will i have to hear again ? and how many times will i have to wonder the bless of the life , incarnate a new body , experiment , experiment , till find my lovely home sweet home . that i know since my first incarnation that isn't on Earth .
.... to give up of the first person of the singular ...
.... to give up of all the persons of all the times .....

i got skins of white petals drowning memories of ancient breaths . but not enough .and the steam of running thoughts dives into the " once upon a time : the silence " .
it is so easy to love ( intence ) her for the whole eternity , and then leave her for ever ..... and all hers of my life .
be a man , shelter your heart and reliase your dick .
( i think i have heard this joke before somewhere )
i know where i heard this joke ! the destiny told me this joke . all the useless time .and the stupidy here laughs . it 's not funny . what a horrible joke . i hate jokes and i hate to play .
i am going to sit here . and exist . just exist till the end . till all the veins get melted , till the nerves get eaten by the atmosphere . till all the voices of the world shut up into their onw riots . until i give up of the first person of the singular . all the idea of "I" , isn't me , isn't mine .
Jesus , i trust you to be my intermediary for be able to talk to THE FATHER .
all the real beault and truth of this planet doesn't come fron this planet .
all the real beault and truth of this dimension doesn't come fron this dimension .
not even the rare lapses of purity that some hearts have once in life ...... every single criature is just a link for unreachble distances .... i don't understand why .. why all this work .
( and a supernova sings uder my tongue )

thank You Sir
the simple " just because " fron the Heaven and i got sheltered . it is all i need to hear .

Maren's scent : Loving Green's dimension smells like NordenVind

Maren's scent : Loving Green's dimension smells like NordenVind

IF YOU WANT TO SEE THIS POST WITH IMAGES VISIT MEIN WELT



For 2 weeks i have thought to post those pictures , but with a text together . i stil have no idea of what to write .
Sinse i visited her blog for the first time i got involved by her life that seens very simple but has hiden corners , fissures leading you to a magic breath . the time passed and i was introduced to those photographys between teas , petals and touchs of cats .
It made me remember of 2 paintings i made after Saskia passed away . I was searching things that at the time i believed was impossible to find in my life . i had no model for to paint my feelings or dreans . Then Maren comes fron this fog of my hopes and visions , extends her bright hand and introduces me to this very particular beauty .
I looked for it , went to so many places of the this planet . But nothing was unveiled , i feel i was always at the wrong place at the wrong time . I don't know what is harder : to never find and believe that it doesn't exist ; or after all your hope is gone and you are exausted , to see that it is possible but you have failed and the gates didn't want to open for you when you was there .
Other sensation i had made me remember the King Kong movie ( that i don't like and never had patience to watch till the end ) . I felt like a primitive half wild cat - half man in a forgotten place , face to face with a delicate beauty fron a distant world . It is very disturbing for me .
These last days i have bilt a tiny cathedral made of crystal . I am going to put Maren , her garden with all the flowers , her cats , her lake , all her green love on the palm of my hand and raise the cathedral 's walls all around it . She will be protected for ever and allow me to do not let this dream to scape again . At dawn i will lift up the Mare's world over the clouds and it will shine as a day's star . At night , when starts to get cold i will give a last glance under the moon light , pic it up , bring to my shelter , watch her singing the last song before she goes to bed , and keep the cathedral , this " Loving Green World " into my jacket's pocket . Keeping warm and safe , repeating this ritual every day , for ever and ever .
So see her blogs before i reach , capture her " High Elves " female scent and hide fron the rest of the civilization deep into my montain's rainforest . AMEN .
http://www.nordenvind.blogspot.com/
http://www.marenshus.blogspot.com/

one day i am going to belong to something good , you will see - by Caio Fernandes - 2009

one day i am going to belong to something good , you will see - by Caio Fernandes - 2009

curving my spine into sterile steps
the arms of the stagnant air taste like sweaty wood

yesterday the white light raised me tall
i can't hold it . don't know why or how

moviments of my sholders opening passages among molecules of dead dreams
the white ballet licking silences
the white-grey ballet spining solitude inside my throat

there is no space in my life
i had to close doors behind me , but nothing got opened in front of ...
i had to close all the doors of rejection and hate and it will not get opened again

now you comb the curly points of your bright hair
siting gold over the dusty corners of my lips . beyond my fingers . beyond my chest
you forced me to say to a friend :
" one day i am going to belong to something good , you will see "

i don't know what to do , keep streching out the neck to the ignorance
burning embers covered by ashes is the only feeling i have now
i am blind and just have a blind faith

SUBMERSE LIFE - POCKET DEATH / LINDA IS A SLUT - by Caio Fernandes

Submerse Life - Pocket Death/ Linda is a Slut - by Caio Fernandes - 2009

IF YOU WANT TO SEE THIS POST WITH IMAGE VISIT MEIN WELT


Linda isn't the real name . i always protect who i love .
.
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.
.
.
.
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.
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.
.
fish scales ; seems to be fragil but are there for thousands of years .
she opened fissures among colorful reflections over her silence .
she did .
and was beautiful ...
fron here , far way i saw ribs shining .
.
she walking down the street
hands in pockets
curved
she opened fissures among colorful reflections
i saw ribs shining
i felt a vacuum of logic between it but fulfilled with white light around .
.
but someone saw fear
.......someone felt fear
and called her slut .
and everybody called her slut .
.
wouldn't be fair even if it was true
so let's go !!
everybody repeat this till start to make sense and be true !!!!
camon !!! everybody :
.
LIN . DA . IS . A . SLUT
LIN . DA . IS . A . SLUT
LIN . DA . IS . A . SLUT
LIN . DA . IS . A . SLUT
.
submerse life - pocket death , Linda .
"do not judge for to do not be judged - Jesus ..." yes , nobody reads this part of the Bible ( my favorite one ) .
Welcome Linda !! this is Mein Welt . nobody will judge you here .

not tonight, amigo - by Caio Fernandes




not tonight amigo - the curse of the heat by Caio Fernandes 2009 / acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes 2007



the skin upon the dark table under the weak light .
so quiet .
involving running blood .
speed of destiny into the veins . burning hot .
.
wings of lost moments breathing vacuos of strange blue dimensions . they're gone .
love drops and vanishs as beautiful landscapes this body never belonged
heat heat heat . be naked is the only experience i can have
.
i sit on the bed . it is a fact . the silence pulsing high temperetures .
i swallow my saliva . it has many sounds .
i spit my last thought . it is blank .
.
there are no galaxies inside my chest anymore .
the heat consumed this for feed the space and air .
who needs space and air ? this is so tridimensional and sufocating .
.
geting up . i walk with no direction . slow ....
to live inside a body is just to be a spot of flesh among heavy atoms .
but under this heat .
to live inside a body is just to be a steaming spot of flesh among sticky atoms with no doors .
arrested into an existence that doesn't allow me to exist .
.
lips don't want to wake up . they rest on my arms . muscles are good pillows .
feets exausted on the floor . ground is such a geografic waist .
no other alternative but to lay down into the shadows of the bed . the warm sheets smashing solitude against my neck .
my cock gets hard exploding . the first sign of real life in me .
- " not tonight amigo . there is nothing for us here " .

leave a message after the beep - by Caio Fernandes 2010

leave a message after the beep - by Caio Fernandes 2010

the space flaps among vacuums of my chest .
a piece of red absence hiden into my pocket . i take out my pants .
my lips could reach the atoms of bright dreams moving behind wings of white light now , that i have learned about the diference between images fron heart and feelings fron imagination ......
so why don't i have all the taste melting completely on me ?

the fast moviments of low clouds revel montains before surronded by a green soft atmosphere ...when the golden sunshines touch the trees on the top , the montains start to dive into the sea in silence .
the predominant clear blue of this subtle dance licks my forehead flirting with my spine .

destiny , as birds in spirit with hound's nose , tracing the next galaxy to hunt and the next bless to take .
a soul climbs the emptiness , both exist towards the same target ......
the space flaps among my chest , the dusty table and furs of fragil sensations .

you know what ? i am going to watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S 's dvd and eat pop-corn . happiness is coming anyway , i just have to trust and relax . if the phone starts to ring , the machine will say i am working on my next painting , leave a message after the beep and thank you very much !