Beautiful gardem lost again

beauty.....
...........................beauty

comes and go .
where is the beauty now ? It was right here yesterday .
I lost it again .

live gives
life takes .

beautiful garden
I lost it again .


Not a surprised , I have been prepared to this moment for a long time . It doesn't make the pain easier .
Last time , the sweet sun of the late afternoon licked the leafs and colors with sweet silence and solitude. The smells took my arms and I could only walk with mouth shut among all the tastes of the golden molecules of air .
I knew it was a good bye and there was nothing I could do .

Life have offered me this
Now life have taken back, not judging if I've made good use or not .

If I could put together all the beauty that was present in my life , I could built an entire empire of fairy tales and Heavens.
But beauty vanishes from my life .
Water run towards distant places . Wind pushes me to opposite directions .

I can only focus on my mind now .
Where all the broken memories are kept as a fragile treasure of illusions .

so rare

so rare
by Caio Fernandes 2010


i love winter so much and today is so grey and cold!!!
what a precious moment!
 my feet are frizing and the brown leafs on the floor are wet.
all my senses turn into a snail and my mushroon's eyes get fresh under the wispers of the low colors.

ahhh.. this is so rare for me ,
soon the sun will come again and i will have to try to shoot it down again in rage and madness.
but now i am living the life a human being deserves .
so rare .

i will try a berry life

i will try a berry life
by Caio Fernandes, 2010


i am too lazy and have no ingredients for making and baking my own bread, i am going to the nearst bakery and buy a wickbold.

the sun isn't gentle on the streets, lifting the breeze far fron me. the morning was so cold and good to live... but now!!wow!

berrys dance fresh in the bown and some even scaped jumping on the table.
naught berrys think that just because are pretty and tasty can make a mess in my house.
okay, yes they can.

if i were a tinny purple rabbit would fly over the roof at late afternoon and sparkle.
but as i am a tinny blue cat i am going to sleep on this sunday afternoon waiting the night comes up and look for some adventure in the gardem.

i don't remember very well what is a gardem.
but if i am not wrong
gardem is a secret place that only exists among the moviments of the combination of hands, hearts, earths and skys in bloom.

in bloom.... this is a good lifestyle, i will try more times a berry life.

portraits of innocence and individuality - 2009 and 2005 - by Caio Fernandes.

portraits of innocence and individuality - 2009 and 2005 - by Caio Fernandes.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE THIS POST WITH THE ORIGINAL IMAGES VISIT MEIN WELT

this title isn't mine , was writen by Barbara Dayer Gallati on the first chapter of her book " children of the gilded era " . that i found in 2007 at Tate Gallerie .
in 2000 , 2001 , 2002 i was developing a work that i can say i was very secure and satisfied with the results .at the time i painted my head every day just concerned with the light on it and volumes , it wasn't self-portrait , searching the very core of human soul , i called slices of soul , or psico slices . and not just me was apreciating , it was being recognized receiving awards , being sold , and i had a great sckedule filled with many exhibitions .but at the year of 2003 i got into a crises , and that work didn't express what i need in my life . so i stoped to paint .
i din't want a work that looked like contemporary art anymore .but i wasn't sure what i had to do .
in 2004 i saw a documentarie about the life and work of Balthus , i always had simpaty for his work , but this time i jumped fron the sofa . that was what i want . i got . i wanna for some reason i didn't understand yet , reach the life that artists as Renoir , Sargent , John Everett Millais painted . i was sick of the urban , corporative , fashion Sao Paulo's life style .i was at this time living complitely alone in a old durty house , that the kids of the neighborhood believed was haunted . i looked like the Nosferatu of that german mude movie ( i always forget the name of the director ) .and sundely i saw myself doing skechts of paintings of litlle girls and boys playing with boxers and german shepards , as the scennes of my childhood when i lived on the german neighborhood of Alto da Boa Vista , when it was german , before the brasilians discover the area , kill all the trees , all the wild life , and make the local people get so discusting that felt forced to leave ( i HATE brasilians , i am one of then , but i am not one of then ) . ( ok call this neorotic )
i never was able to paint those first paintings i drawed before because i din't find models at the time , not even the right landscapes . , but in 2004 and 2005 i started to do few works , my house started to looks like another dimmention , by the decoration , and the concept of it ,that made me forget the country and world i was living , any single estetic value of it looked like you will find in Sao Paulo or brazil . i din't speak portuguese any more , i created a dialet , mixed of english , german , sao paulo's portuguese very italian accent , and elfic , of the lord of the rings book ( thanks Tolkien ) . i lost all my friends because they stated to believe i got nazi , but here in brasil if you drink tea , eat potatoes with cabage and mostard , and listen Mozart they call you nazi any way . even my family took distance . it looked esquisofrenie , but i had total conscience of what i was doing . the money stoped to come in and i got really poor , doing 1 meal every 2 or 3 days .
then i started to be able to criate , but just 20 works a year . in 2006 my sister asked me help for start a marketing and advertising company , she got graduated, and din't want to work as a employe any more , so for 10 months i worked 18 hours a day and got money enough to pay a long travel to Europe and spend 6 months studing in London . then my nerves calmed donw , and i was able to see and undestand what i was looking for in my life , i got even more in loved with it .
when i came back to Sao Paulo in the second semestre of 2007 , i felt in a deep , long depression again , but decieded to back to work now in 2009 . so i am learnig again how to painting .
you must to think that it is all very ridiculous and was a waist of time , and i understand very well . but if you was bourned here , being educated to believe that every single thing about europe culture and people is wrong and must to be changed , being european decendent , and whaching a population of your country taking every day decisions that you don't agree , watching the natural life being murdered , by a progress that just bring social conflicts , concret , ignorance and crimes . whachting the good values being replaced for prejudice ...... people hating you because you don't want to be hipocret , mediocre , unhonest ...... seeing the love of your life being murdered by a clone of a national hero jiu jitso fhighter that wasn't arrested because is son of a influent politician of the court house ( and risking your neck just because wrote this in a blog , even in english ) . ....... maybe , maybe you would understend me .
the painting of the girl and aple was painted last monday . the other is fron 2005 . i like to see the diferences . trusth me ; is the same girl . but for me it is just a self-portrait . the 2005 one is darker , has fear , that little being is lost and fragil . the 2009 one , the girl is well fixed on the centre , secure of herself , she has all that ornamental mess and tentantions of the world over her head , but she does't care . she kind of turn her back for it . as she was untouchble . i wrote Jesus Cristo under it but din't want to give a religious conotation for the painting , i just felt to put a white spot into the blue , the Jesus idea came because i heard someone on the street screaming : OH JESUS!! WHAT IS THIS?!!! . it was funny , as you know , i am christian , so it seemed to be perfect .
can you believe than when i came fron London , the only thing i wanted to see here in Sao Paulo was this painting of the little girl ? some times i think i just came back to see it again . i remember myself in the museuns looking to the great masters and thinking about this painting .
you have no idea how important it is to me . in 2007 a asshole stupidy curator asked me to be part of a exhibition , but didn't acept to show this work , it wasn't good enough , contemporary enough , he just want the works made till 2002 . i gave what he asked , but never went to see that stupid exhibition . people saw on the news paper , but for me it never happened , just helped to make the depression get deeper . i HATE all then . my head forgive it , but not my heart .

extinct kinds of molecules want a new life . by Caio Fernades

extinct kinds of molecules want a new life .

my left hand over my left thigh . my right hand searching internal shines that scape to the air .
than my right fingers passing through my left fingers . cells of stars fall fron all over .
it is embarrassing to have the dna of light and don't see it .

- what you're looking for is inside of you
- i always knew that , but i don't find a way .

she prepared the tea and served me in a very ornamented cup , delicated porcelain . blue and pink drawings . details of gold . hot hot hot, smelled like flowers ..... aroma of windows . wide opened ones . increasing beautys inside me . but i got empty . i couldn't touch that . as the space inside my chest was infinite comparing with everything around .

what is a man suposed to do when its own nature , the best nature , is out of reach ? how can i bring this up and live with .....?

God God God !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God God God......................

extinct specimes of molecules left crystal impressions on ancient memories that i don't know how i am carring .
but they are here inside , are part of me . they are older than me . i don't know what to do with this .
a bless
a puzzle

Giny , Araucaria , and the Montain . - by Caio Fernandes . 2009 .

Giny , Araucaria , and the Montain . - by Caio Fernandes . 2009 .
Photo by Gunter Roesler 1968.


The dogs and cats are with my mother . It is friday night and has been some thing around 7 hours that i left home , feeling so free and light alread ; just me and my faithful backpack that has followed me for so many years around the world . I had no machines , just a jack-knife and a longer knife almost the size of a sword and cloths , a bag of soy pizza flavor and a gallon of water .
I was climbing the montain at dark , there under the trees has absolut no light , the forest is too closed and intence , i am just able to walk because it is a litle path i know sinse i was a litle boy . It was some thing like 12 degrees in Sao Paulo , on the montain was below zero . I love this temperature ! After hours i arrived at the litle shack and opened its door , lighted a fire . Home .
I see that it is cleaner than i imagined , i prefer to believe that a very romantic couple found this place months ago . Everything is on its right place . As it has been for the last 30 years .
My family on the winter hollidays used to come to a house near this place , at this same montain . While they liked going to the town shopping and eating at the restaurants , i liked to stay alone , playing among the trees of the forest . But who showed me this hiden shack was a gay couple that had a house near here too , they didn't build it but used to come here before of to buy their house . These two mans were very polite with me and filled my mind with fantastic storys of their jouney around the world . I dont remember their names , sad . But the day i saw this litle house for the first time i told it would be my general headquarter ; they said it is ok for then .
The shack is so perfect ! Alvenary with details in wood . Small , just a bedroon and a tiny kitchen with an english wood oven made of iron fron the 19th centure . At the bedroom there is a couple bed . Nobody knows who constructed it , or why . but it is there , opened for every one . today it is exactly the same way , but i hanged a Jesus picture on the wall 17 years ago and wrote under it :" this house is opened for you , be welcome " .
This friday night I was feeling a green light of glory around my exausted body when i went to bed . Listening the loud sinfony of the forest . Here never had silence , all the animals that you never saw and will never see make the most weird sounds after sunset . Sometimes you are sure that spirits of evil women are calling your name . Sometimes you have the feeling that some kind of unknow being are walking around the walls of the house , smeling you and cursing your blood . Don't worry , those are just some sounds of the tropical jungle at night . I slept and dreamed with colorfull shines that got into my bed and danced all over my skin . Puting me on the roof where i could see stars singing futures and dimentions .
Morning . Misty montain calling me , holding my hand while i re-discovered every single specime of plant , while the squirrels climbeb the trees for to get the tiny red coconuts , same size of a cherry . And the monkeys gave the first screems . By the colour of the air and position of the few sun i can see among the leafs it is 5 o'clock . I went to the creek near here and took some water . Freezing . The cold air on my face and hands make me feel alive and brand new . The smell of the fog over the plants gets into the skin feeding my breath ....
I do nothing , just try to walk , for who doesn't know this kind of wood , the plants here do not allow you to get into the forest and go further . It is too dense for human body and the chances of be found by a snake or spider are strong . But with this weather the snakes must to be far way in rocky places looking for the sunshines . I try to find the monkeys . I know they are the size of a Lhasa Apso , but it is too rare to see then . They are over me , i listen then , see the branchs moving , but all the plants hide then fron my sight . They are making a huge noise now , they always did . And it is going to be for the whole day . They argue and fight all the time . It is a hell , but what can i do ? this is their territory , they have had this behaviour for thousands of years . I pretend don't care .
After a couple of hours i decided to climb down the montain i litle bit and go to visit "the farm" . The old path was totaly invaded by the plants . But the trees and rocks are the same , there is no way i get lost , it seens that i was there one week before . Started to collect on the way petals , herbs and leafs for prepare tea , and pinhao for eat . Pinhao is a kind of nut fron a very particular kind of pine that just exist on this part of the world named Araucaria . There are other kinds of Araucaria here that we don't eat the pinhao . But this kind of nut can't be eaten raw , must to be coocked before . I got kilos of it and put into my backpack . the sound of the blue birds and the cicadas around invited me to get further and i forgot the monkeys noise fastly .
The Farm : " Giny" , i am not sure , was a friend of a friend of my parents . One day i went there with my mother , at her farm for a dinner , i was 3 or 4 years old , and i remember . I am just sure that the first time i went alone into the woods was for trying to find her .
She breeds horses , arabian and english pure bloods for hipism ( i don't know the name of this sport in english when the horses have to jump obstacles , fences ... equestrianism ? something like that ) . I came to see the horses and even more for to see her : Giny is how i wrote her name sinse i was a kid . One of the first words i learned to write . But i don't know if the right way to write her name is Jeannie or Jenny ...and i have no idea of her last name . Is Giny for me , for ever . What I like to see is her colection of pines . She has pines fron all over the world , lots of specimes , fron the most comuns to the most exotics . And to arrive to her house i have to pass through these little pines forest . Their view and smell are like a gigantic green gate for me ; this "pine wood" divides the world behind fron Giny's lands .
Now the farm is old , the stables are empty , i saw just 3 old horses far way . After 15 minutes walking i am able to see the house . The house must to be painted . Giny must to be with 80 years old now or more .
She was beautiful , the kind of woman that is the every man's dream . Tall , blonde , thin , large breasts , huge legs , a face that makes you forget all the words ... you know what i am talking about . She never got married , i don't know her story , she never got friends too . But by all i saw of her very very strong personality , i prefer to think it was an option .
My first memory that comes to mind when i think of her , is when i was 7 years old . I had spent all the mornig far fron my parents losing myself into the forest . So i decided to visit Giny , she liked me and was the only one that talked with me as i was an adult and not a kid .
When i got there all the employees where hiding thenselfs and the horses screaming loud in panic . I was able to , behind the trees and bushs get closer of the house and see what was happening , there was a onça on the roof of the house ( onça here is the same than a cougar or puma ) . I was near it , behind a tree facing in silence the onça and it muscles . She was nervous , showing the fangs , loud angry noises with no name . Sundely i listen a car engine , and that silver Mercedes Bens stops in front of the house . Giny alone comes out of it . Magnificent , long black leather boots till the knees , black pants , a white polo t-shirt , her big breasts with no bra ...long blond hair , sun glasses . She stops few metros fron the onça . Takes out the classes . Looks at me ( she was the only human that saw me there , all the employes were hiden far far way fron there ) . she extends her left hand in my direction calling me with a smile . I runned fast to her arms . and hugged her thighs staring the animal . she faces it and say : " You can go now , go to your family " . The onça went to the ground in silence , calm , slowly , jumped in direction of the forest and went away .
I hugged Ginys thighs hard , my lips touched her belly under the t-shirt , i kissed her warm golden skin and looked up to those big breasts in white cotton canvases , her face shined . For seconds i felt her as a man must to feel a woman . She smiled to me passing the left hand on my hair and the right one on my back . Then the employes came runing making noises and eager to tell their impressions and versions of the fact . I hated then , and sinse then i decided that i would never hire people to work for me ...... she has 60 years old or someting at this time . But for a 7 years old kid , 60 and 30 makes no diference . It is all adult . Even so , she was reachable , she was mine for those secounds .
At the same hollidays , but other day , i was observing the horses , while she prepared her favorite dark english one and one of the arabians for me . I thought i would ride the short arabian one , as i was used to ride brazilian breeds as Manga Larga and Campolina , horses the same size of the arabians . But she told me to go to the english one . I got scared and exited : " Wow , really ?!! He is so tall and fast ?!! " , .... she looked at me seriously :" You must to . You have total control of the german shepherds of your house , you control the people that works for your father and mother , control of the cats ... you are gentle and good , even so make then obey your orders . If you dominate this horse today , nobody in your life will never be able to tell you what to do ."
This was the way her mind worked . I didn't know that the horse was a sweet one , so i decided to "climb " him , and spent all that afternoon riding him over the clifs and among the pines feeling as i was the most powerfull and free man on the world .

So this saturday now i got into the house . Called her name , she came fron the attic , loked at me and gave that perfect smile . She recognized me at first glance and huged me making me feel confortable . She is shorter than i am now . And the last years haven't being kind with her . Last time we met was few years ago .
On the table i put the pinhoes , asked her to cook then . It would be ready in 1 day . Not for lunch . She was preparing lunch alred , the kitchen had a sutil aroma of food . We talked about the farm , then she told me about the newest object , a computer . Till begining of 90's the house didn't even have eletric energy , telephone or gas , she dispited modern things but cars , and still does , but because of the age , she decided to have some of then . She fired all the employes ( YES!! well done !! ) , sold the horses and just kept 3 very old females with her . She says are easy to take care . I told her i had a blog , and showed it . She didn't know i've been a painter for the last 10 years !! I didn't know i have never told her about this . What makes me feel good . In front of her i was just myself , anything else . She saw the blog and laughed .
The meal was just integral rise , coocked vegetables and honey-mostard . She isn't vegan like me , but eats few meet , as always did . The only meat i saw on her table all those years was the bunnys she used to breed . Once she killed a white one of then in front of me , i was 6 years old or less . She was very gentle , respectfull , kissed the poor animal and killed him with just one moviment , no pain , no fear . But even so i don't like to remember that .
After lunch we laid on the lawn with the view to the valley as we used to do sinse the first times i started to visit her . There are no flowers on the sides anymore . Used to have red -purple flowers dividing the lawn to the forest . At afternoon , litle foxes used to put their head among the flowers for to observe us . chating chating chating .........we love to do this , we chat about nothing , Giny doesn't talk with anybody , she doesn't like anyone , just me . it makes me feel important and previleged .
The view of the valley is splendid , but i know that when Giny dies , the farm that is huge , will be sold by the family to companys that are going to construct condonms , golf fields .... streets ...hell , just the ork's hell .
After sunset i went back to the forest and to the shack . There , i slept fast . Next day i spent all the time drinking tea of petals , herbs and leafs i found , praying for God , Jesus , walking around the area , geting courage to wash myself with the freezing water of the creek .... at the afternoon i started to fix the old doors and windows of the "home" . Nothing complicated , this shack is really a blessed place , never needs to rebuilding nothing , nobody takes care of it , anyone comes here to maintain , and it never gets old . a mistery , a miracle .
At night i started to throw up . It is great . When i was a kid and came with my family , for the first 2 days i felt normal , but at tird and forth days i got in bed , just throwing up... it was the organism expeling the Sao Paulo's poluition . At 5th day i was brand new again . Ready for more adventures . It hapens with less intencity now but still does . What is very very good .
Monday , today , i went back to the farm , Giny had prepared pinhao , we ate and laughed , then walked among the pine colection . She gave me a car ride to the town , i took the bus . Giny doesn't have photografs of her face , didn't have kids , didn't painted nothing , never wrote a poem , never composed a song , never built a house ....nothing never , when she dies her existence will just vanish fron the world . i like to imagine this . It is pure freedon . Courage . She is a pure spirit .
Ciau Giny , Ciau Misty Montain ... hope to see you both before the orks find you with their progress .
3 hours later arrived to Sao Paulo City , took the subway , walked a lot , crossed the avenues ... back to this house , hugged the dogs and cats , we rolled on the floor and jumped among the furnitures .
New life . Let's start now .

INFLUENCES: EXPRESSIONISMO, MUNCH, WORPESWEDE,

Influences : ExpressionismO , Munch , Worpswede , uncontrollable incomprehensible LOVE by Germany and Norway's painting. God bless then all ! by Caio

IF YOU WANT TO SEE THIS POST WITH ALL THE IMAGES VISIT MEIN WELT

Following this series of influences ( see the earlier post about punk albuns covers ) that i intend to post every wednesday .
To talk about influences for me is to be fair . Justice before all . And because i was never influenciated by what i believe , but by what i love .
So these posts about influence is my way to declare my love .

Now it is time to talk about the art that was so decisive in my life . Art responsable for the idea of to leave all i was doing in my live , carrier , and dedicate all my time to painting .
yes .... "Expressionismo" as i call here . No , i never considered myself as an expressionist , but only as a distant son of it .
when i was still a childen , not more than 5 , 6 years old , i had an ideal of perfect painting . It was a self portrait of the noruegian Eduard Much , dark and colorful at the same time ( the very first painting of this post ) . I used to say that any art piece that wasn't similar that work was a total waist ( when i was a kid , i had weird strong dogmans about art and tolerance wasn't in my vocabularie . weird because has no artists in my family and i didn't live in any enviroment where i could know or develop these concepts ) . In my mind that work was pure expression and pure painting and i had never heard about expressionism .
(Just a fast memory always comes to my mind : kind of on this age , around 4 years old , i was in the tv room with my father and on tv started to show about a local painter . When showed his process , i saw him drawing with a pencil on the board before to paint . I can't explain why . But i had an access of rage and started to beat on the tv , beating on my father that defended the guy , and i almost broke the tv . I started to cry and screeming that" to draw before to paint was a sin" . A SIN !! hahahahh!! I wanted to kill that "siner " . Why do i had this kind of opinion when i was a kid i don't know . But i love to remember this bizarre storys ). "
Okay , back to Eduard Much : 1996 , (me- 21 years old) i was working with photography , images made by computer and mixed media when opened an Eduard Much exhibition in Sao Paulo , i just knew his work by books and liked it . There are no Munchs in public or private colections here .
I went to the exibition do not expecting so much . I was tired alread of art exhibitions . It would be just one more in my life .
i didn't believe in what my eyes met there . Who was there ? the self portrait i had worshiped when i was a kid and forgoten for the last years . The entire exhibition was all i had always dreamed about : pictorial values , textures , themes ........ my home , my temple . On the first day i spent 7 hours there inside trying to memorise every single brush stroke . It was a small exibition , only 2 rooms and a corridor . I have the catalog of it still today , 18 paintings . The team of security staff got really concerned with my presence after the first 2 hours , hahahh! They got around me , just few steps , observing every gesture i did . I didn't give a crap for then . That was MY moment to meet the master . To say hello , to recieve love , beauty and learning .
The next day i went there again , spent more 5 hours observing details and the security staffs almost got a heart attack when saw me again !! hahah!!His work is present in every single paint i do . I just started to really paint in 1999 , so i got between 1996 and 1999 with all the Much's bush strokes printed in my brain . When i was in College studing Psychology , i used to close my eyes and remember "how he did that petal of the flower , how he did that nose on the lady's face , how he did ... " to be able to forget about the world around me and focusing on the books to study hard . God bless his soul for ever ! I have lots to tell about Eduard Munch in my life and what happened with me the times when i discovered one more work of him in some european museun . Maybe one day i make a post of tribute to him .

DEUTSCHLAND :
When i started to paint , my main interece was the Germans , not just the expressionists . But 70% of then were expressionists . As a matter of fact i hated all then , hated the fact they were so good and all i had in mind about what doing with my work , they had done already . And made much better the way i had imagined . hahah!!
I was a huge fan of Georg Baselitz . I didn't have money to buy one book of his work , and again , here in Sao Paulo we don't have any Baselitz in any collection . So i found a guy that was a horrible artist , very mediocre and annoying , just spent his time speaking about politic and human rights ( BLUAH ) the tipical hypocrit elitist , but he had a Baselitz book on his studio , and a wonderful Fluxus book too . So at that time , i used to get drunk , and for visiting this guy i stoped before on the nearest bar and drunk all my money could pay ( not too much ) . When i wasn't able to think , listen or care anymore i went to visit him ( the only way to do not be "molested " by his socialist speechs) . Sitting on the sofa with the book i looked at it as i was visiting a whore . Just me and the book , passion , exitment , and anything else . Learning every moviment , every color , every form .
But Baselitz is a contemporary artist .
I had passion for ... what i call : the first generation of the German Expressionism . And more than everything : WORPSWEDE ......... a dream on Earth .
Worpswede is a village set in beautiful countryside in Lower Saxony, Germany, near the city of Bremen. In 1889 the painters Paula Modersohn , Fritz Mackensen, Otto Modersohn and Hans am Ende moved there and founded an artists colony..... How i discovered then and it got in my life i am not sure . And it is perfect to do not remember , gets even more magic . God , please bless all then too . I love all then so much that i am losing my breath now and feeling like to cry .
I am not a fan of print making even with most part of my friends being printers and not painters , and inviting me so much for the last 15 years to start to print . But the Prints made by those artist in Worpswed transform your eyes in a institution of the soul for ever and nothing can be made to revert this situation . They produced lots of paintings and photographys too . Nothing there was mediocre . All briliant , incredible , breath taken , extremely beautiful , sincere and "magicaly so real " .
Other expressionist groups , more important for most part of the art critics but not for me :" Brücke" , and

"Der Blaue Reier" . Yes , i had for long moments observing their works , but learning much more about what do not to do in painting . It was too idealistic , too expressionist as a concept and not as a genuine expression .
Here i am posting some of my works where Expressionism appears in a very screaming and obvious way , and in one of then , my version of "The Jealousy " by Eduard Much i've done in 2005 , named " The other side of the world and I " . I didn't realised that it was a Munch copy till i have finished . hahahh!!
And i am posting the Much's self portrait i always loved , and other things i have here in home and make me proud .
There is 2 Baselitz works i've stolen fron internet , and what i could get fron Worpswede . As i don't have any book of it and the German institution that takes care of it ( i believe the name is "Institut fur Auslandsbeziehungen " , but i am not sure ) is an asshole and don't allow anyone to get closer of the works and the images . This institution just have helped to make the world don't have a real contact with it and make the artists get in shadow for the bigger public . I am pretty sure that if these artists were alive they wouldn't acept this selfish and narrow minded policy .
List of works on this post :
. THE Eduard Munch's self portrait that is in my mind sinse i was a kid .
. by Caio Fernandes 2007
. Caio Fernandes 2008
. Caio Fernandes 2004
. Caio Fernandes 2009
. 2 print versions of Jealousy by Eduard Much
. Jealousy by Eduard Much
. Jealousy by Eduard Much
. The other side of the word and me - by Caio Fernandes 2005
. by Caio Fernandes 2004 - totaly Much's influence .
. EINE - by Caio Fernandes 2004
. a fouder of a Worpswede's exhibition that happened here in Sao Paulo and i keep as was a winner lottery ticket .
. Hans am Ende 1895
. the cover of my favorite book " Eduard Munch in Chemnitz .
. 3 photos of Eduard Much .
. 2 paintings by Baselitz .
. then .... 1 painting and one print by Paula Mordersohn .

I WOKE UP TODAY AND MADE THIS LIST OF THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY LIFE

i woke up today an made this list of things i like about me and my life .

fingers slide nightfalls of sensations as chains of crystal water geting broken in silence .
i open the window and the air was still blue virging by the morning .
so thin and easy to breath . .............

in a spiral of solitude all the pigments embrace the cold .
sutil day light lay on the bed .
again , and for the last time , i feel her cheap perfume taking place .
my dick is so exausted that i realise has no flesh on me anymore for be consumed by any femme .

wow! why are my arms , shouders , spine trembling ? why am i so empty ?
it is the beguining of a new day ! shouldn't i be renewed ?
i see all the women of my life embracing my legs as it was a shelter on these sheets , devoring my skin , bones , muscles .
get out your devils !! leave me alone ! i dispite you all !!!
i want to walk
i want to go to those clifs far away that i have discovered a long time ago , blessed by God by the fact that i had no one near to share .

why am i raped by spirits ?
why am i raped by my own needs ?
the sound of the filter of the times is geting louder , even so is just able to be listened if i pay attention on this engine .
i pay , i've payed .

i like the taste of pizza in the morning . i like the way women laugh when taken fron behind at the kitchen . i like to ignore art . i like to imagine flowers where is impossible to grow then . i like to emabassing myself in front of strangers . i like to listen Napalm Death loud watching the videos clips of Lady Gaga . i like the smell the fashion magazines . i like the idea that exists a place where you can kick mouths berafooted in the total dark . i like to live barefooted but hate having my feets durt . i like to tease women with absolut no responsability as i was on control , but then , they make me lose control . i like fresh tap water . i like pork meat even being vegan . i like that my Italian side of the blood makes me so helpless weak for PP . i like to explain to people that PP means : Pussy and Pasta . i like to have a nazi answer for everything . i like to truly believe i am a cat into mans body . i like to say all the writers are stupidy and have any real talent . i like to say all the artists are a bunch arrogant blinds believing that are able to see more than the other mortals . i like sauerkraut . i like sauerkraut with apples . i like the idea of geting married with an apple . i like Dijon mostard with strawberry ice cream . i like to see people get fucked by their own stupidity and say : well done . i like to say : "hate to say i told you so " . i like to be a retarded about math . i like to do not have a car in a city where you HAVE to have a car . i like to go to birthday party of the sons of my friends and be the only adult man that is single , has long hair , has no belly , that don't watch news on tv , don't understand about or follow football , don't talk about business , don't understand absolut nothing about cars , don't drink bear , don't eat the barbecue , don't travel on hollidays to those cheap places full of fat familys , bad arquiteture and hot dogs . i love to say i hate my country . i like to spend hours making a long a list of things i hate about my country and at the end realise it would be easier to say : i hate absolut every single thing ( i do this all the time ) . i like to wear women perfume . i like the way a woman starts to stink on bed after a couple of hours and exercises . i like my broad shoulders and the muscles of my chest ( i am really proud ) and the way they give me power . i like to be arrogant . i like to know one day i am going to go back to the lighted green warm sea and dive naked among the colorful reefs as i used to . i like to be sure that one day i am going to live in a cold montain with a big boobed woman that the only word she knows is "submission " . i like to buy the lottery ticket every week and always say : ohhh... i can feel this time i am going to win . i like to wave and send kisses to the high school girls on the side walk . i like to flirt with their mothers at the supermarket . i like to walk the dogs on the very cold nights . i like the fact my dogs look like cute drops of heaven but all the time someone aproachs doing that little voices "ohhh , look at then , they're so...." they bark , bite and fight scaring everyone around . i like to take shower and have on the clean warm cloths with the body still wet . i like to say that art is the biggest illusion and lie created by the man to people that say art is a sublime important thing and is in all the moments of our lifes ( is that the reason life sucks ? ) . i like to don't like to sin but when i sin , i sin for goooooood . i like to read Genesis and the New Testament every day , but have ignored all the Old Testament for the last 15 years . i like to worthship Jesus Christ in all its forms . i like to say that i was bourned to paint but i don't like to paint . i like the smel of pussy when i wake up . i like the smell of my dick when it smells like pussy in the morning . i like ALL the Ramones songs of all albuns with no exceptions but i like to say my favorites are " I don't care ( about this world about that girl )" and " I don't wanna be tammed , I don't wanna be learned " . i like the fact that i will never learn to speak correctly english , german and spanish .
i love , LOVE to make useless long lists of likes and dislikes , loves and hates , and hang on the wall of my studio as it was the most dogmatic truth on the Universe and believe that one day someone will add this on the Bible before Apocalypse .