That is the reason i hate poker , football and do not listening Beach Boys. THE BLOODFEASTS THAT HAVE CHANGED MY DIET FOR EVER .

by Caio Fernandes 2010

Part 1 - Vegetarianism - That is the reason i hate to play poker.
Sao Paulo.

I thought he was gay, but not, only a shy sensitive gothic kid. He asked me to go out to that nightclub at DownTown as he couldn't walk alone on that trap and I knew most part of the rat holes of that area.
I had nothing to do and he promissed that would pay for everything including bus. Seemed to be a good bet.
Geting down the bus I thought we had already too much good luck for have scaped fron that multitude of zombies adicted in crack on the first block.
One silent corner here, other dark corner there.... all pure emptiness, when i see a white car and lots of silhouettes of shaved heads inside it coming towards us. A suastica painted. No words between us. Faces with no expression.
The car stops by our side. Fron the corner of my right eye i saw 4 doors opening, black boots, axes and iron bars coming out. They weren't bluffing.
My shy sensitive friend had a card hidden in his sleeve I didn't know about till then.
We played.
The car went fron white power to red butchery.
Then I got vegetarian.

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PART 2 - Alcoholism - That is the reason I hate football.
Sao Paulo ( 8 years later the poker incident )

That tall black man lied and tried to take advantage of me. As happened everyday I used to start to drink after noon at the cheapiest bars I could find. But was evening already and i was far fron home in a area i knew nothing. This large Black man with a smile made me a final proposal where if i had said yes he would be able to take all the money he thought i had. But i said no. With this he smiled even more , calm, and said:"Yes , i think you're not a full at all". I got revolted because he had just confessed that his intentions weren't honests. I don't remember what i did but this man runned away and i went after him on the street.
I didn't find him, but was so drunk and crazy that i started to scream, curse and offend everyone that i could see.
I don't remember if i had drunk even more but was night and i went to a bus station starting to create and spread panic there. Decent people running away and i didn't stop. There wasn't physical agression, but i was so pissed and frustrated with my life and myself that sundely all exploded. It was wednesday. Here Wednesday is day of Football match. One bus stops and few hooligans, 10 or less, get down fron it. I didn't stoped but when i started to curse then they took it seriously. Didn't need all then to crash my skull, only one would be enough, but all then started to run towards my direction. Incredible how i got sober really fast and runned away. They chased me down the streets and when i saw they were few seconds to be able to capture me i jumped into a restaurant of sea food screaming:" call the police call the police!!they want to kill me!!". They followed me and started to break the place. I went to the kitchen and locked myself in a space under the sink. I got safe till the police arrives and takes me fron there. Anybody was arrested but the policeman said:" Mr. Caio, for your safety you are going to get into our car and we are going to leave you far fron here. Okay, what happens is that the policemen saw me cursing people before, so they stoped the car few blocks fron there and "reliesed" me in front of the hooligans saying:"here it is, he is all yours".
I got lyched. I can't remember all but i remember i was on the foor and they didn't stop. People on the street around screaming:" kill him kill him!!"
Total blaked out.
I woke up the next day on the floor of my living room. Don't need to describe the situation of my body. Because of the pain i couldn't move. Don't know how i arrived there, many theorys, my favorite is that redheaded angels with big breasts saved me helping to arrive home flying. After few days i was able to get up and go to bathroom taking a shower.
Then i stoped to drink for ever.

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Part 3 - Veganism - That is the reason i hate to do not listen Beach Boys.
London ( 12 years later the poker incident )

He was a famous cardiologist, face on many covers of magazines, brazilian, have treatened many members of the Royal Family.
Took my pressure and got amaized, said that my heart was perfect and have never seen a so health like this, even more with the miserable live i was having in London.
When asked me what is my secret, i had to be sincere, explained that if he had a mother like mine and knew she is at the other side of the world and can't get in contact... he would have a calm, happy and healthy heart as well.
I was there making exames for testing a new drug for heart. For 4 weeks i would be interned in a hospital recieving many daily doses of this drug in my veins.
It seemed a good deal as they would give me a good paycheck if i survived at the end , 3 meals a day and would be 4 weeks saving money of the rent. Yeyhh!! Finaly some prosperity.
After the exames they said would call me telling about the day i should sign the papers then go to the hospital... and i left.
Walking down the street, 3 blocks fron there, I was only looking to the foor of the sidewalk, starving, cold, curved and trying to do not think about food when something explodes right in front of me. I didn't have any reaction and realised i had a piece of bone inside my mouth. I looked around, saw legs and arms flying, bodys rolling... then i realised that a car lost control and went to the sidewalk hiting all the pedestrians. It stoped 2 metros fron my body after have hit a blue iron post.
I tryied to do something helping the mutilated victims do not moving or geting in panic ( i am briliant ).Amblulances and police came fast as they were just one block fron there. There was nothing else for me to do. But i got shoked walking alone on the streets trying to digest all that. It was a God's message for me to do not play with life ( I love You , Sir, thank You). So i decided to do not take that "job" at the hospital.
At that evening i went to the Virgin store at the Piccadilly Circus and bought a Beach Boys' cd. It cousted 5 pounds, one week of food, but i decided that if i am going to live on this world i am going to do what i love, and at that time Beach Boys songs were on the top of the list.
Then i got vegan.

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These aren't all the Bloodfeasts of my life, sure, but are the ones that changed my diet.
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green dreans of a sheep . - by caio fernandes.

green dreans of a sheep . - by caio fernandes.

the sun turned into a merry whisper - not yet
the sun turned into a red whisper - no
the sun turned into a berry whisper . whispers-set behind her purple trees . her whispers , her kiss ( her kisses reveal landscapes in me ) . warm curves of the path , for a straight destiny . warm curves of the female ........ i' m lost .
the transparency of the wings that blows fron my back covering the both hemispheres of this sweet blue green taste . tastes like eternity in bloom .
when Saskia extends her hand it reflects the light of her dreans as a swimming pool . i can even see those reflections dancing on the ceiling .

yesterday :
the black wet stinky disgusting asfalt's mud on shoulders and neck .
- what is this comig fron the top of my head? blood!!?!!
-they are comig again , dad , i see shadows of bodys on the corner.
- hide yourself behind the garbage Melissa . be quiet .
- ohh no no , it isnt then . they aren't coming any more , i am pretty sure now , they went to the subway .
- you're ok , aren't you ?don't tell your mother about this . she is preparing a apfel strudel for the dinner's dessert .
- look dad ! the concrete is cracking everywhere . sidewalk , walls .... there are tinny blue flowers , and yellow , and white growing in it .... is the concrete geting old , dad ?
- yes honey ... and our time to live is coming .
- amen ( and started the singing : grun grun grun grun ist meine welt ... grun grun grun grun ist meine ....)
- AMEN .

the Jesus white light stands me up . i just keep walking , holding the child's hand . i just keep walking against the poluited wind that snarls against us . it is always solitarie to feel like to cry , and hold in silence . Sao Paulo is a altar of sacrifice in the form of a dusty concrete block in this world that is suposed to be beautiful . my body lives in Sao Paulo , keeps walking . while i build the green dreans of a sheep . thank you Lord for your blessings . thank you for give me one more chance .

- we are going to eat apfel strudel for dessert , aren't we , dad ?
- yes we are , honey . YES WE ARE.

today :
the sun turned into a merry red berry whisper ... it is so easy to love her yet .

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ok girls , don't panic . i am still single . Saskia is the only one that realy happened in my life , but ... now al the time i am with another woman , what is rare , and she start's to gets on my nerves , i get deaf and blind and pretend Saskia is there .
( Saskia Hagenaars Verveen Morrone : 1977 - 2005 )
Melissa isn't my daughter . she is 8 years old and i am the only adult man that she met since she was 2 years old . to call me dad is her personal joke , she actualy doesn't believe in it (what is even sadier because i love her ) . her mother Cecilia is a widow that gives piano classes in her onw home for to live . and some times prepare italian or german recepies adapted for our vegan lifestyle , than she calls me for taste and trys to teach me how to prepare , but i never learn , i just preparie in home my onw bronw bread , green os white tea , and some vegetables ... and when i am loaded , feeling like to eat as a milionarie , i buy a doritos bag ( the large one baby!! yeah!!) .
between Cecilia and me , will never hapem anything : our friendship is too perfect to be destroyed by sex and wedding ( she says) . the truth is that she knows i still have this Saskia hole in me and she doesn't acept to be a mere substitute . what is fair enough . and she expects fron a man what her husband was , while i am the oposite of that . he was a wealthy successful guy , and i pray for the miracle of the multiplication on my painting materials as Jesus did with fishies and bread for the crowd ( what seens to works ) .
so we both are patetics and live haunted by our pasts . nothing bad for 2 people that have met at the college in 1997 , studing psichology .